FamilyLife Today®

Raising Godly Kids: Abbey Wedgeworth

February 3, 2025
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Join us for a heartwarming conversation with author Abbey Wedgeworth as we explore the power of children’s literature to encourage spiritual growth and strengthen family bonds.

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Raising Godly Kids: Abbey Wedgeworth
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Show Notes

About the Guest

Photo of Abbey Wedgeworth

Abbey Wedgeworth

Abbey Wedgeworth a wife, mother, writer, and speaker located on the South Carolina coastline. She is passionate about bible literacy and discipleship and loves to see how the gospel transforms how people think and live. Abbey is the author of Held: 31 Biblical Reflections on God’s Comfort and Care in the Sorrow of Miscarriage, the host of the Held podcast, and the curator of the Gentle Leading Advent Devotional for Moms. You can find more from Abbey at on Instagram at @abbeywedgeworth or at abbeywedgeworth.com.

Episode Transcript

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Raising Godly Kids

Guest:Abbey Wedgeworth

From the series:Raising Godly Kids (Day 1 of 2)

Air date:February 3, 2025

Abbey:We all need to rehearse the truth of the gospel over and over every day, all day. That refrain of—“There is forgiveness available, and there is help available,”—I think that refrain is as good for us as it is for them.

Dave:Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Dave Wilson.

Ann:And I’m Ann Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Ann:One of my favorite things to do with our kids when they were little—and it kind of went into even middle school—was read to them.

Dave:And now, you do it with our grandkids.

Ann:I do. We would read out loud. We would read so many books; they got to pick the books. And if there was a book that was about God/about Jesus, theologically sound, I’m like, “Yes!” I wanted to read this book over and over; because, as Christian parents,—didn’t you want this, Dave?—we want to pour into our kids things that are just good and biblical.

Dave:And you need a tool or a vehicle that connects with their little hearts. So we got one today.

Ann:We’ve got Abbey Wedgeworth! Yay!

Dave:Actually, we got a whole bunch of tools sitting on the studio table.

Ann:Abby Wedgeworth is back with us today. Abby, you’ve been here before; and it’s awesome to have you back.

Dave:The last time you were here—I don’t know what you remember—I remember Ann laying hands on you and praying.

Abbey:—and praying at the end.

Dave:Maybe, at the end; was it at the end?

Abbey:Yes.

Dave:You were sharing about a hard part of your life. The book was called Held. Say real quick what that was about so some of our listeners will connect you to that story.

Abbey:Yeah; the book is called Held; and the subtitle is 31 Biblical Reflections on God’s Comfort and Care in the Sorrow of Miscarriage, which is a mouthful.

Dave:I was going to say—you were like looking up in the sky—well, no wonder;

there’s a whole bunch there.

Abbey:There is; yes.

Ann:Well, I’m going to say I have sent that book, and given that book away, to so many people. It feels like—and maybe, people are more open about it—but I know so many friends and our kids’ friends who have had miscarriages. Our own daughter-in-law had three miscarriages. Man, what do you say to somebody? I think your book has been really a great resource of hope and getting people to focus back on Jesus.

Abbey:Thanks for saying that; that moves my heart to praise. I wrote 40,000 words on it, and I still don’t know what to say when someone tells me about their loss. I think that’s one of the reasons I’m so grateful it exists is because it is designed to be a companion. It’s such a private thing; it’s such a sensitive thing. It’s nice to have something that you can open when you’re ready, and feeling brave enough to really explore that pain, and allow God to meet you where you are, and care for you. It’s pretty significant for others.

Ann:That was really brave of you to even write about that because it’s really needed. And the book is beautiful, too.

Abbey:—and soft. It is.

Ann:It is; it really is. But now,—

Dave:—these are more hard and beautiful.

Abbey:—durable.

Ann:Wait; I wanted to share about her family, because you’ve got a great family.

Abbey:Oh, yeah; I love my family. We have—I’m married to David; he sells real estate in Hilton Head—and we met while working for a college ministry called RUF. We were both on staff after college. We have three boys together: Will, Walt, and Henry. They’re eight, six, and almost four, going on thirty-two.

Dave:You’re living our life.

Abbey:I know.

Dave:That’s crazy.

Abbey:I want to get closer to you, and listen more, and learn; but we are learning every day. It is very loud;—

AnnIt’s so loud.

Abbey:—it’s so loud. I think the thing I say most to my kids is: “Take it outside,” “Take it outside; this is for outside.” That’s the number-one need for boys is space, so I’m grateful they can go outside.

Ann:Have you done a lot of reading with your boys?

Abbey:Yes.

Ann:So that’s important to you guys, too?

Abbey:Yes; and we, right now, read out loud The Hardy Boys at night with my oldest; he’s so into it. And the sweetest thing is—the other day, something happened that was surprising to him—and he goes, “Jeepers!” He’s picking up this vocab from the ‘40s, which is so funny. I’m loving those.

Ann:I used to read The Box Car Children. Do you remember those?

Abbey:Yes, we read those, too; yes.

Ann:It’s like they’re so mannerly and kind to each other: “This is good.”

Dave:So unlike our boys.

Abbey:But also no supervision; I’m like,—

Ann:Yeah; “Where’s the parents?”

Abbey:Well, you’ll have to read to remember, but no spoilers.

Ann:Yes, I do remember now! Oh, yeah; ooh.

Abbey:Yeah; it’s a little morbid.

Ann:It’s like Disney movies.

Abbey:Yep; I was going to reference that, but I wasn’t sure if I could.

Ann:Oh, they might have to cut that out.

Abbey:Sorry.

Ann:But today, we’re going to talk about some books that you’ve written for

kids. And I always—

Dave:We have five of them sitting here, and you have more.

Abbey:Yes, there’s another that’s in existence; and then, three more coming.

Dave:So why writing books for kids? There’s got to be a vision behind this. “How’d you get into this?”

Abbey:Well, people ask me all the time: “How do I start sharing the gospel with my kids?” This is such an easy way to do that. My reply was usually: “Any moment of corrective discipline or instruction is an opportunity to share the gospel with your children.”

Ann:People are like, “Wait; what’d you just say?”

Abbey:But these books provide sort of the framework and the language to do that. They kind of create a reference point that you can refer back to with your kids. A lot of the language is repeated within them. Each one of them begins with celebration of a certain body part, and what God made it to do, and points to God as the Creator.

An example of referring back would be, if my three-year-old, soon to be four-year-old, hits his older brother, I will say—

Dave:—it never happens; does it?

Abbey:Oh, my goodness gracious; all the time.

Dave:It’s probably a daily occurrence, right?

Abbey:I know; I wrote these books, and still [it occurs]. But if he hits his brother, I’ll say to him, “Who made your hands?” And then, the whole book is in reference; and he’ll apologize. It creates a reference point/a tool for parents to use to remind their kids:

That God made them and made them for a purpose.

That there is such a thing as right and wrong: a right and wrong way to use our bodies.

That there is forgiveness available to them when they fail and help available when they want to do better.

Ann:Okay; did you write the book first—or did you make that comment: “Who made your hands?” first?

Abbey:That first.

Ann:So you started saying that to them.

Abbey:Yes. I am a reactive person; I mean, I’ll tell—

Ann:Me, too!

Abbey:I want to be a responsive person so badly. But parenting is so overstimulating in the little years; you’re just on edge. It’s like 7:00 a.m., and I’m already [sounding frustrated]. A friend of mine says, “Anger is the tool we reach for when we don’t have the tool we need.” So I started creating—

Dave:Whoa; wait. Say that again.

Ann:That’s a good—

Abbey:Isn’t it great? This is my friend, Trish; she says, “Anger is the tool we reach for when we don’t have the tool we need.”

So I created tools for myself—I call them “training refrains”—it’s like: ”This is what I’m going to say.” I’m deciding once what I’m going to say when one of my kids hits or when one of them bites. I looked at the times I was responding, or reacting, saying, “How do I want to respond instead of being [sounding frustrated], doing something I don’t want to do, or yelling, or whatever?” So we developed these refrains surrounding hitting and biting because that—I mean, all kinds of reasons that I am dysregulated by that—that have to do with: “Am I a good mom?” or “I can’t believe it’s my kid who’s doing this,” or whatever.

Ann:Or you just haven’t gotten any sleep.

Abbey:—or you haven’t gotten any sleep.

Ann:Or you haven’t had any water today.

Abbey:Yes, bodily limitations; yes.

These refrains for hitting; it was, “Who made your hands?” “God.” “And what are your hands for?” What I love about this is that, for kids, there’s this “Move it or lose it” principle with psychology. When they are feeling aggressive or agitated, they need to move their bodies in order to be able to learn.

So the first thing would be: “Hands are for clapping.” So they would be clapping their hands; and then, immediately, you’re out of this intense moment and engaging with them. They’re moving their bodies, doing something with that aggression.

And we’d say: “Hands are for waving,” “Hands are for high-fiving.” All of a sudden, in a moment that would’ve been a need for repair, is a building relationship moment. And then, we go into: “But did God make your hands to hit your brother?” “No, of course not. So let’s fold our hands; let’s ask for forgiveness; and then, let’s open our hands and ask for the Spirit for help.” And then, we go and extend our hand to reconcile with our brother.

That was how we would respond to hitting.

I wrote a poem one day, as I was nursing our youngest, and sent it to The Good Book Company; and was like, “Can we make this a book so that we can resource families?”

Dave:You write poems while you’re nursing.

Ann:See why we shouldn’t be on our phone, scrolling! Because you could write a book or a poem.

Abbey:Well, if I hadn’t had my phone in hand, who knows where the poem may be? Because I did use the notes app.

Ann:So you put it in your notes.

Abbey:Yes, I put it in my notes. Pretty much when I wrote it, my editor reached out, and said, “Do you have anything?” I was like, “Yes, I do; I have this.”

Ann:Well, now, you’re going to have to tell us the poem.

Abbey:Oh, well, it’s this book! It’s Your Amazing Hands; that is the poem.

Ann:Wait; you didn’t do the whole thing?

Abbey:Yeah.

Ann:While you’re nursing your baby, you did the whole book?!

Abbey:Yeah, it’s just a couple of stanzas. And then, it takes—obviously, my editor is very bright—

Dave:And it rhymes.

Abbey: —and made it much better. It rhymes.

Ann:I know. Girl! I wasn’t creating that kind of stuff, nursing my babies.

Abbey:Well, you know—

Ann:This is impressive.

Abbey:—I’m like manic after I have a baby though. It’s lots of creativity, but it’s not the best season.

Ann:We need her to read one of the pages.

Dave:I thought she was going to sing it.

Abbey:Oh, well, that’s the song we just typed;—

Dave:That’s not this one?

Abbey:—no, the song’s not in the book. The song’s just a resource we use.

Dave:Oh, okay.

Abbey:This one is: Your Amazing Hands. It’s a rhyming book that just points to if there’s a right and wrong way to use your hands. “Your hands are amazing,”—first of all, it’s a celebration—“Look at all they can do.”

Dave:Hey, when you said earlier, when you said to your son and anybody, “Were your hands made to hit your brother?” And he says, “No”; do they ever say, “Yeah, they were; I want to hit my brother right now.”

Abbey:No; well, they can say they want to hit their brother; but they’ve never argued with the fact that they weren’t made for that.

Dave:That’s good.

Abbey:I think they know that.

Dave:They know instinctively.

Ann:I want you to give us the scenario. Because as you were—

Abbey:I just snorted on the—

Dave:We like snorters.

Abbey:Yeah, you can leave it—it’s relatable—it’s fine.

Ann:As you were talking about that, I’m envisioning the whole scenario; because brothers—it’s interesting, having granddaughters, because they are so verbal; and they fight with their words—and it’s so new; it’s like this whole new world to me, like, “Oh, so now,—

Dave:“Do you want that seat?” He just punches them and takes it. But not girls, they talk about it.

Ann:Okay, I want you to envision this, even as a listener—you’ve got two kids who are fighting, and they punch each other or something; and then, you step in—”Are you mad?”

Abbey:Okay, so Sissy Goff uses this phrase: “Calmest person in the room.” This is something I’ve prayed and asked the Lord for: “I prepare. I know this moment is coming today. Help me to know my role in this moment and be who I want to be, for Your sake, in this moment,” which I am their shepherd and their guide. We cannot call forth from them when we are not emulating ourselves.

Ann:We love Sissy Goff—

Abbey:Oh, we do love her; yes.

Ann:—and David Thomas.

Abbey:Yes, they endorse these books. Did you know that?

Ann:No!

Abbey:They have been so kind about them.

Ann:I love them.

Ann:Yes, I love them. But if I’m going to ask them to use self-control—and what I am correcting is relational—I can’t blow in there.

Dave:You better have—

Ann:So you’ve already prepared yourself.

Abbey:Yeah, I’m ready because I have these refrains; you decide what you want to do. So I will step in, and just say—we have a printout on our fridge, “Sibling Conflict Resolution”; and there are pictures; there are four steps:

And the first one is “Hands up; hands off,”—and then, we say, “People are more important than things.” The first thing I do is I step in; and I say, “Hands up; hands off. That’s where we went wrong.”

First, you take your hands and second step is calm, kind words. We kind of run it back—like redoing the whole scenario—and letting them practice the right way, which is more valuable than punitive. I’ll say, “Did you do hands up?—hands off?” “No.” “That’s why he has a mark on his face. Okay, so let’s walk it back. Let’s hands up; hands off: let go of the toy. Your brother is eternal, and this toy is going to be in the landfill. People are more important than things.”

And then, I will say, “Let’s try again with calm, kind words.” I will help them if they can’t find those words: “I didn’t like it when…” and let them fill in the blank; or “…I wanted that,” or “…I had that first.” And then, I say, “Okay, now, let’s listen”; and they use calm, kind words. If they’re not calm, then I’ll say, “Let’s try again with a self-controlled voice,”—that’s Ginger Hubbard: “calm, kind words.” And then, they will usually work it out.

My goal is not to script their words, but to prompt their words; so that, when they are 45, in an argument with their wife, they know how to do this. We’re equipping them.

Ann:You’ve equipped them with conflict-resolution tools.

Abbey:Yes, Matthew 18; we go to our brother. We talk to our brother, and we listen; and we try to work it out. And then, if it doesn’t work, we come get Mom. That’s where I will usually say—and I kind of joke with them, and they laugh—like, “Okay, and last step, if it doesn’t work, we whack the mess out of them!” They’ll start laughing, like, “Of course not! The last step is: ‘You come get Mom.’” So that’s kind of that scenario. When their younger, we use those scenarios.

Dave:Now, were there four steps?

Abbey:Yes:

“Hands up; hands off.”

“Calm, kind words.”

“Listen and try to work it out,”—is number three.

And then, if it doesn’t work, come get Mom or Dad.”

But let’s be honest, it’s usually Mom; Dad is selling real estate. “Thank you, Dad.”

Ann:Do they come to you often, because they can’t work it out?

Abbey:Yes, they do.

Ann:And isn’t it hard?

Abbey:I love when they come to me.

Ann:Good for you.

Abbey:I love intrinsic value—we have a star jar—and if someone comes to me for help, and is truly asking for help, not tattling—

Ann:Abbey, you’re so smart!

Abbey:—I will give him a star: “I am so proud of you for coming to me instead of exacting justice with your own hands.”

Ann:That’s really smart.

Abbey:That’s how we make peace; there’s going to be conflict.

Ann:We need to teach some adults these things.

Dave:Well, I was just thinking, “Those four steps—

Abbey:—we catch them early, right?

Ann:Yes!

Abbey:As early as age three.

Dave:—“Those four steps could be on the refrigerator of any adult marriage conflict.”

Ann:Yes, yes!

Dave:Honestly: “Let’s talk,” and “Don’t go get mom—please don’t call your mom—call a counselor; call a brother; call his sister; call a couple.”

Abbey:“Call a pastor.”

Dave:You need help if you’re not able to resolve it.

Ann:Call Jesus, too; bring Him into it.

Abbey:I mean it’s His biblical model: “Go to the person; if it doesn’t work…”

Ann:Okay; you need to read one of these pages. Pick out one of your favorites; and it’s illustrated beautifully, too; they’re so cute.

Abbey:I know these kids. I asked Emma to put certain kids—

Dave:Oh, you really did?

Abbey:I really do. My nephew has a cochlear implant; this one right here. And then, my best friend from college—her daughter has vitiligo—and she never sees kids in books with vitiligo. I said, “Can we please put a little girl with vitiligo?”

Ann:—“…wheelchair”?

Abbey:Yes; this is our friend, Ellis, who lives in Hilton Head.

Ann:Sweet.

Abbey: Yep. It is really sweet. And they are tickled. I get messages from moms a

lot who are excited to see their kids.

Ann:That’s so sweet.

Abbey:Their kids are excited to see.

Ann:I would say this, too, for all of you, nursing moms: “Don’t get too depressed when you realize that she wrote a book.”

Dave:“Are you going to write a book?”

Abbey:I also did lots of crying: “I don’t know where to start!” I have a hard time, postpartum. I will tell you, just truthfully, I’m writing poems; but it’s hard for me.

Ann:That’s encouraging to know.

Dave:Do you want to read?

Abbey:I don’t know; where should I start?

Ann:Do the first page.

Abbey:Okay; alright.

Your hands are amazing. Your hands can clap.

They can high-five and wave. They can wiggle and snap.

Your hands can build, they can throw, dig and hold.

Your hands can create, they can paint, stir and mold.

It’s celebrating what they can do; how they help.

Ann:I like that each book goes through the same—how it’s positive and wonderful—how God made these different body parts.

Abbey:

But our hands sometimes do what God says they should not:

Like snatching; or stealing the things that we want;

Or throwing in anger; or hitting to hurt;

Or pointing to blame; or pushing to be first.

Ann:And then, we always meet Jesus in every single book—

Abbey:—who is illustrated, as a child, in the books, which I think is important. We can talk about.

But God knew we would not use our hands like we should. So He sent His Son Jesus, who did only good.

It talks about some things He did with His hands, ways He used them; and then, ultimately, that He spread them out for us for forgiveness—for our forgiveness—so that, when we do the wrong thing, we can ask for forgiveness. It’s always available to us in Christ Jesus because of how He used His body perfectly for us.

Dave:I watched one of your videos online. You had three kids sitting on a picnic table. You asked them: “What did God do with His hands?” And the first boy said, “He put them on the cross.” I’m like, “Wow! That’s pretty profound.”

Abbey:Yeah, they are mine; three boys next to each other are mine.

Ann:Those were your boys?!

Dave:And that was yours?

Abbey:Yes. I actually was like, “Ugh, don’t do that; because it’s going to look like I coached you.” But I didn’t coach him.

Dave:You didn’t?

Abbey:No, he just knows.

Ann:That’s really so sweet.

Dave:That was your son; that was beautiful.

Ann:I think about the ages of your boys. They already know the gospel; they understand what Jesus has done.

Abbey:And that also is fruit of being involved in a fabulous church—I don’t know if our pastors are listening—I don’t think our kids’ program is impressive, necessarily; but there are people who love the Lord faithfully, teaching Sunday school; and our kids are learning from people they respect in hearing it. It is our responsibility, primarily; but we have a beautiful partnership with the local church who love our kids.

Ann:That’s really sweet.

Abbey:That’s so sweet. And they were learning the New City Catechism. There was a moment where I had to repent to my boys last year; I said, “Oh, this isn’t who I want to be. This is not the way I want to speak to you.” I was very sad.

Ann:Well, how had you spoken to them?

Abbey:I’m harsh; I think we were late somewhere, and I was like just shaming—“You guys can never…”—that sort of speech.

Ann:Oh, yeah.

Abbey:Oh, I hate it! It’s like that avalanche of: once you start, you just can’t walk it back; so you just keep going.

Ann:And then, you’re just hit with so much shame/remorse.

Abbey:Oh, it’s the worst. He was at seven at the time. I felt his little hand on me; and he goes, “Mommy,”—this is directly from New City—but he goes, “Since the fall, no human has been able to keep the law of God perfectly.”

Dave:He said that?!

Abbey:Oh, I’m weeping. But that’s the beauty of it; isn’t it? That when our kids know the gospel, they become our community. We are a little community, preaching the gospel to each other, encouraging one another with the truth when we fail. I think that’s something I had to realize, being a mom. I was so bummed about how it was going: “Ugh, this just isn’t what I thought it would be like,”

Ann:—or “This isn’t what I thought I would be like.”

Abbey:Yes, I just pictured a cooperative household. Or we could play a game

without someone throwing the board, like the youngest member of our

family interfering, or whatever. It’s just chaotic.

Ann:And then, everybody’s mad; and they fight.

Abbey:Yeah; but to live in a house with people, this side of heaven, is to have conflict; it just is going to be there. So we need to restore one another to the truth and prepare for how to reconcile and repair.

Dave:As two moms, when that’s happening, how do you—

Ann:—which part?

Dave:It’s like you have: “All of the above”; but I mean, often, it’s like, “I have expectations how this is going to go.”

Abbey:“Expectations are planned disappointments,”—have you heard that?

Dave:Yeah, it is. And you’re going to be really upset when it doesn’t go that way. But you’re sitting down to play a game, or have dinner, or whatever; and it starts to go left with your kids—especially, two moms here of three boys—

Ann:Yeah; it’s more physically draining. They’re so loud.

Dave:And so then, you find yourself almost spinning out of control with them.

Ann:Oh, yeah.

Dave:How do you reset?

Abbey:I think naming it is really important—naming the moment—just being like, “Man, this doesn’t feel good; this isn’t going how we thought.” You got to make a choice, in that moment, of: “Do we pack it up?” “Do we persevere?” “Am I expecting more of my kids than they’re developmentally capable of?” We have learned we do not play monopoly when Henry’s awake; that’s just not the season we’re in. Those pieces are very exciting, and who doesn’t want to play with the money? I think you got to ask yourself the question of: “Are my expectations for this moment realistic?”

And then: “Is what is happening sin against God?” or “Is it being inconvenient for me? and “What is exposed?” And my kids—we use the language a lot of: “What are you loving?” or “What were you loving?”—in a moment where somebody loses it or is unkind. “What were you loving more than God or neighbor in that moment?” Whether it’s peace; or the idol of: “I just want to play a game all the way through,”—whatever it is—of convenience or whatever. I think we have to know that this day is not that day where there is total peace and no chaos.

Dave:Yeah, we’ve been there; man, you talk about a great point. That’s reality for all of us. Let me just stop for a second and say, “Man, if this is hitting home with you—if you’re a parent, and you’re resonating with this—we know it’s really, really hard.”

Ann:I think, often, we have more questions than we have answers. I have always felt like, “Somebody, please help me.” So we’ve pulled together some of our most helpful parenting pieces into one spot for you.

Dave:And if you’re like me, you’re going to want to get those. I’d say you’re going to want to get them right now, and we’ve got a way for you to do that. Here’s how you do it: go to FamilyLife.com/ParentingHelp. Did you write that down, or are you typing it in right now? Here it is again: FamilyLife.com/ParentingHelp. You’ll find some of the best stuff FamilyLife has ever done, over decades, to help you and to help us all on parenting; so go there now.

Ann:I think the thing that has really helped me—that helped me, especially as a young mom—is to begin my day in prayer, like, “Jesus, I can’t do this apart from You. I need the power of Your Spirit. I need the fruit of Your Spirit to be lived out in me.” And that would be: “That’s it; that’s all I have time for right now.” I’ll try to be in the Scripture some other time, but I have to focus on God and ask for His supernatural power. And even when I do that, I still fail.

Abbey:Yeah.

Ann:And I think, too, what I’ve learned, as I’ve gotten older, is to empathize with their frustration in the moment—to sit in it with them—because man, I did not do that when they were really little.

Abbey:It’s hard to do.

Ann:I’m just like: “Stop it!” “Stop it!”

Abbey:There’s a phrase that I keep in my mind is: “Connect before correct” every time, like, “Okay, this is frustrating; I’m frustrated, too.

Ann:—and “You seem very frustrated.”

Abbey:“And you seem very frustrated.” I think identifying—even, that’s the way Jesus/that’s incarnational ministry—we identify; and then, show: “This doesn’t have to rule you. There’s a way for us to respond in godliness.”

Ann:And there were times—maybe, you’ve done this, too—where I would have to say—and this can’t be a baby, necessarily—I would say, “Guys, I’m really upset right now. I need to leave the room for a minute, just to talk to Jesus before I say anything.” Believe me; there are times I failed miserably. And then, I’d have to say, “I’m so sorry I did not respond correctly.”

Dave:What would you say to the mom? I feel like I’m the man over here, asking the moms about: “But what would you say to the mom?”—and it could be a dad who—since we’re talking about hands—has used their hands in a harmful way to their child. And I’m not saying hit them—although, there could be a listener’s, like, ‘I’ve hit my child,’—but even squeezing too hard when they’re frustrate.

Abbey:Putting them in the car seat too forcefully when they were slow getting to the car.

Dave: We’ve done that.

Ann:—when they’re arching their back, and becoming a board; and you can’t get them to bend at the waist.

Abbey:Yes! Whoo! That’s a moment. Do you remember that moment, Ann?

Dave:It happened last week; it was me!

Abbey:Oh, my word.

Yeah; I think that’s the beauty of these books. I hear this from moms, too, of like, “I’m reading this book for my kid, and I’m realizing it’s for me.” We all need to rehearse the truth of the gospel over and over every day, all day. But that refrain of—“There is forgiveness available, and there is help available,”—I think that refrain is as good for us as it is for them.

The danger of not knowing that is that we excuse; we blame; we justify—versus owning—”You know what? That was wrong. The way I touched you was wrong,” “The way I reacted was wrong,” “That’s not how I want to do it; that’s not what God made my hands for,” and “I need your forgiveness, and I’m also going to ask for His.” That is more valuable than a perfect parent.

Ann:Yes.

Abbey:They have a perfect Savior. And what they need to see in us is how to be a human being—how to fail; how to repent—because that’s the gateway to eternal life; isn’t it?

Ann:We just interviewed and talked to Sam Alberry the other day with his book and he talked about how we are in Him. It’s not—

Dave:—in Christ.

Ann:—in Christ. It’s not like He’s up, ahead of us; He’s in us; we are in Him, and He’s always running toward us. He’s always right here beside us, and He’s not whispering to us shame messages. He’s whispering that He loves us, and there’s nothing that we could do that would make Him go far from us. Isn’t that such a good reminder, as a parent?

Abbey:The parable of the prodigal son has been such a picture of Christ to me, and the heart of God—the Father towards me—because I do shame myself.

Ann:Me, too.

Abbey:And parenting—it is hard—and I imagine how He would respond to me if we were sitting down together; or even how I might respond to a friend, who came to me in tears, because she didn’t love the way she treated her kids. It’s compassion; it’s His kindness that leads us to change to repentance anyway. But imagining running to Him, and being like, “I blew it!”

Ann:The Father running to you.

Abbey:—and Him throwing a party. There’s so much grace. I think that’s the beauty of when we blow it—is the more scandalous our sin seems—the more radical grace will be; and the more we’ll worship; and the more we worship, the more we become like Christ. It’s always an opportunity when we blow it.

I think that’s the other key, talking about that moment of—“How do we walk it back?” “How do we move forward?”—whatever—is we have to stop being surprised when those things happen. It’s just not a shock that we fail; that our kids fail; that there’s conflict, but we know what to do when that happens.

Dave:It’s every day, every hour, every five minutes.

And here’s what I want to say: “We’re out of time.”

Abbey:We’re out of time?

Dave:But you just mentioned the word that I want to start with tomorrow. I know both of you—I know you wrote about it, and you just mentioned it—mom shame—and dads do it, too—but when you just said that, I thought, “I want to investigate: ‘What do you mean by that?’ and ‘How do you get out of that rut?’ That’s tomorrow.”

Ann:And what we’d love to do is send you a copy of one of Abbey’s books as a gift to you for giving us any contribution, sending it to FamilyLife.

Dave:Yeah; you give a contribution FamilyLife; we will send you one of her books. You’re going to love it.

Ann:We’re going to send you Your Amazing Hands, and that will be our gift to you. You’re going to love it. If you have grandkids, friends, or your own children, they’re going to love it. This is the one that’s a rhyming book that Abbey actually read.

Dave:You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com; make a donation there; or you can call us at 800-358-6329. That’s 800-F as in Family, L as in Life, and the word, TODAY.

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