FamilyLife Today® Podcast

Step Up Young Man

with Voddie Baucham | October 8, 2012
Play Pause

What does it mean when a young man asks a woman's father for her hand in marriage? Pastor Voddie Baucham talks with Dennis Rainey about the significance of the hand-off from a bride's father to her fiancé, as well as the characteristics a young man must have that show he is ready to marry.

  • Show Notes

  • About the Host

  • About the Guest

  • What does it mean when a young man asks a woman's father for her hand in marriage? Pastor Voddie Baucham talks with Dennis Rainey about the significance of the hand-off from a bride's father to her fiancé, as well as the characteristics a young man must have that show he is ready to marry.

  • Dave and Ann Wilson

    Dave and Ann Wilson are hosts of FamilyLife Today®, FamilyLife’s nationally-syndicated radio program. Dave and Ann have been married for more than 38 years and have spent the last 33 teaching and mentoring couples and parents across the country. They have been featured speakers at FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway since 1993 and have also hosted their own marriage conferences across the country. Cofounders of Kensington Church—a national, multicampus church that hosts more than 14,000 visitors every weekend—the Wilsons are the creative force behind DVD teaching series Rock Your Marriage and The Survival Guide To Parenting, as well as authors of the recently released book Vertical Marriage (Zondervan, 2019). Dave is a graduate of the International School of Theology, where he received a Master of Divinity degree. A Ball State University Hall of Fame quarterback, Dave served the Detroit Lions as chaplain for 33 years. Ann attended the University of Kentucky. She has been active alongside Dave in ministry as a speaker, writer, small-group leader, and mentor to countless wives of professional athletes. The Wilsons live in the Detroit area. They have three grown sons, CJ, Austin, and Cody, three daughters-in-law, and a growing number of grandchildren.

What does it mean when a young man asks a woman’s father for her hand in marriage?

MP3 Download Transcript

Step Up Young Man

With Voddie Baucham
October 08, 2012
| Download Transcript PDF

Bob:  Do you envision that she will find him, and you will vet him; or you will find him and vet him before she’s ever in the picture?

Dennis:  You are talking about an arranged marriage, here, Bob.

Bob:  That’s what I’m trying to figure out—how this is going to work in the Baucham household.

Dennis:  Are you saying you’d like to arrange?  I know you’d like to.  I can see it in your eyes. 

Voddie:  I’d love to; I’d love to!

Dennis:  You know what?  It would have been good for me.  The entire American dating scene is not a healthy deal.

Voddie:  Oh, no; but let me say, ideally, I would really like for the situation to be something like this—she and I talk, all the time.  We’ve talked a lot about the kind of man that I think she needs—just because of what I see in her and what I know of her.  We sit and we have these kinds of conversations, “Now, you know because of this part of you and your personality, you really don’t—”   She doesn’t need a weak man.  He’d be sitting over in the corner with his thumb in his mouth somewhere.  So, no weak men!  [Laughter] 

Those are the kinds of things that we talk about; but because of that, if it happened that she were interested in a guy, and we find out about her interest in a guy, I still go do the vetting process before she gets close enough to give herself to him emotionally.

Bob:  That means you have got to be right there on top of it, involved,—

Voddie:  Absolutely. 

Bob:  —engaged—because a lot of dads would say, “You know, my daughter is off at college.  I don’t know who she is running into.  Her heart will be gone before I ever see it.”

Voddie:  Yes.

Bob:  To have her on your team, she’ll know to come and say, “Daddy, I’ve noticed this guy.”

Voddie:  Yes.

Bob:  But a lot of guys don’t know their daughter’s even dating anybody until she comes home and says, “I’m engaged.” 

Voddie:  Absolutely; absolutely.  That’s why one of the whole points of this book is about establishing this foundational, fundamental understanding of our relationship to our daughter—our responsibility as a husband and father—and understanding that this is just an extension and an expression of that—not a separate issue. 

A lot of the difficulty, when people think through—you think about the concept of what he must be and about the concept of this book—immediately, our minds go to all the obstacles and difficulties because of how broken our culture is.  The point is—this is not some kind of panacea. 

Dennis:  No.

Voddie:  This is a piece of a bigger puzzle.  You build on the foundation of our understanding the role and responsibility of a man in his household.  It goes far beyond the issue of courtship.  Okay?  This, then, becomes a natural extension of that as opposed to this sort of piece out there that we are just going to grab onto and force into the context. 

Bob:  This is one application of a much bigger issue.

Voddie:  Yes!  Yes; yes.

Dennis:  What you are calling men to do, ultimately, is to step up and assume their responsibility, under the leadership of God’s Word, the Holy Spirit, and being surrendered to Christ in their own lives— 

Voddie:  Absolutely.

Dennis:  —and saying, “Oh, God, help me, in my weakness, know how to lead, love, protect, and guide my children as they emerge into adulthood and as we let the arrows go.”

Voddie:  Absolutely; absolutely.

Bob:  We should say here, you’re not just calling men to step up in this particular area, although your book, What He Must Be...if He Wants to Marry My Daughter, is focused on this subject.  Voddie is one of the guys who is going to be part of the Stepping Up Super Saturday event that we are hoping will be hosted in hundreds of churches—more than a thousand churches—coming up in February of 2013.

Actually, it’s on Super Saturday, the day before the big game, that we’re hoping churches will get men together for a one-day video event, where they’ll hear from Voddie Baucham, and Matt Chandler, Robert Lewis, Tony Dungy, Bill Bennett, Dennis Rainey, Crawford Loritts, and others.  We want this to be a rally point for men and a launch point for men to step up and grow deeper in their relationship with Christ and their relationship with one another.

You can find out more about the Super Saturday event that we have planned for February 2nd, 2013, by going to our website,  Click on the link you find there for Super Saturday.  It will take you to an area of the web where you can get all of the information you need about what’s available so you could host one of these Super Saturday events in your church and in your community.  In fact, if you’ll get in touch with us this month—let us know that you’re willing to host one of these events—let us know the location where you’re going to be hosting it—we will make the Stepping Up event kit available to you for free.

Now, this offer is not available on our website at  If you want to be a host for the Super Saturday event, February 2nd, 2013, and if you want the free kit so that you can host it—this includes all of the DVDs you need to pull off this event—call us, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY:  1-800-358-6329; that’s 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY”.

Again, February 2nd, 2013, is the day we’re targeting.  It’s the day before the big game.  We’d love for you to host a Super Saturday rally for men—a Stepping Up rally—on that day.  Find out more by going to and clicking the Super Saturday link or call, toll-free, at 1-800-FL-TODAY.

And, of course, you can get a copy of Voddie’s book, which is called What He Must Be...if He Wants to Marry My Daughter, when you go to our FamilyLife Today Resource Center, online, at; or call to request it at 1-800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY”.

Now, let me also say a quick word of thanks to those of you who help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today.  Your donations are the lifeblood that makes this daily program possible.  When you contribute to FamilyLife Today, you help underwrite the cost of producing and syndicating this daily radio program.  This month, we’d like to say, “Thank you,” by giving you your choice of a couple of resources that are designed to help couples who are in step- or blended marriages and families.  Ron Deal, who is a part of our staff, has written a book called The Remarriage Checkup.  We’d love to make that book available to you, as a thank-you gift, when you help support FamilyLife Today this month.

Or you can request a couple of CDs, where we have a conversation with Ron about what it looks like to be a smart stepmom or a smart stepdad.  So, when you make a donation, online, at, you click the button that says, “I CARE”.  Make your online donation.  You can request which of those two resources you’d like to receive as a thank-you gift.  Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.  Make your donation over the phone.  Just ask about the resources for blended or step-families.  We’ll be happy to let you know what’s available, as a thank-you gift, for your donation.

We appreciate your financial support of this ministry.  We want to say, “Thanks,” in advance, for whatever you’re able to do to help with the cost of FamilyLife Today.

We want to encourage you to join us back again tomorrow.  Voddie Baucham is going to be here again.  We’re going to talk about how you can help your son and your daughter understand the purpose for marriage so that they get it right when the time comes.  We’ll talk about that tomorrow.  Hope you can be here for that.

I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.  On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.  We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today

FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. 

Help for today.  Hope for tomorrow.

We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.  However, there is a cost to produce them for our website.  If you’ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? 

Copyright © 2012 FamilyLife.  All rights reserved.