Married With Benefits™

Secret 4: On Keeping Score

with Brian Goins, Shaunti Feldhahn | July 4, 2024
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You've probably heard the marriage advice: don't try to keep score. Hosts Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn suggest there's one tally that might actually be good to track in Christian marriage—find out what it is!


  • Show Notes

  • About the Host

  • About the Guest

    • For your own copy of Shaunti Feldhahn's book, "The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages", head to her website.
    • Learn more about the 30-Day Kindness Challenge at
    • FamilyLife has a brand-new course to help you strengthen your marriage and move towards more joy! The the all-new Art of Marriage is masterfully designed to inspire and equip today's couples: whether newly married, seasoned, empty nesters, or part of a blended family. And for more resources on building a happy marriage and family, check out
  • Brian Goins

    Brian and his wife Jen love building into families and eating great food together. They have three children who all want to move to Montana. Brian serves as Sr. Director Special Projects at FamilyLife. He is also the executive producer on an adolescent-focused documentary series called Brain, Heart, World ( aimed at helping change the conversation about pornography in our country and has written Playing Hurt: A Guy’s Strategy for a Winning Marriage.

  • Shaunti Feldhahn

    Shaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author and popular speaker. Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace. Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, have sold more than 3 million copies in 25 languages and are widely read in homes, counseling centers and corporations worldwide. In 2020, Shaunti, together with her husband Jeff Feldhahn, released Thriving in Love & Money. Little did they know just how timely this book would be as the world suddenly changed and couples needed to be able to talk about money more than ever. While most money books deal with surface issues of budgeting and debt, many couples struggle to even talk about money and it creates tension and a barrier to true oneness in their relationship. This is the money book that’s not about the money. It uncovers the issues that cause money conflicts and provide couples with truths that are relationship game-changers. Because you need a better relationship, not just a better budget. Find out more at Her book, The Kindness Challenge, continues to catalyze a much-needed movement of kindness across the country and beyond. Dozens of prominent organizations and leaders are coming together to do The 30-Day Kindness Challenge, and encourage their followers to do the same. Shaunti’s findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show and Focus on the Family, The New York Times and Cosmo. She (often with her husband, Jeff) speak at both live and on-line events in the U.S. and around the world. Shaunti and her husband Jeff live in Atlanta with their daughter and son, and two cats who think they are dogs.

You’ve probably heard the marriage advice: don’t try to keep score. Hosts Brian Goins and Shaunti Feldhahn suggest there’s one tally that might actually be good to track in Christian marriage—find out what it is!