by Michelle Crow
I know that you probably don't remember me … I used to work at Sears in Little Rock. You were there working on a job when we were remodeling the store. I had just gotten married ... You gave me a book from FamilyLife, Moments Together for Couples. At the time you gave the book to me, my life was so far from God ...
When I was about 14 years old, I decided I didn't want to go to church any more, and my parents didn't make me. Some girlfriends and I met some older boys at the neighborhood swimming pool, and we started drinking and smoking and doing all kinds of worldly things.
I lived at home until I was about 22 years old, when I became involved with a man who was 15 years older than me. My parents didn't want me dating him. But instead of listening to their advice, I moved in with him. It was an abusive relationship from the beginning, both physically and emotionally.
I was working at Sears, and I would often come in late and in tears because of things my live-in boyfriend had said or done. One of my friends at Sears was Troy. He saw me really upset one time and said, "If you ever need help, I'm here to help you."
After two years of living this way, I finally realized one night that I needed to leave. My boyfriend and I had argued earlier in the day, and I was alone at home. A woman called for him and when I asked, "Who is this?" she hung up the phone. I thought, He's in another relationship.
I immediately called Troy and asked if he'd help me move that very night. I also called Mom and Dad, who said that I could come back home.
A terrible discovery
Troy and I hung out as friends for several months. Then we started dating, and after about a year, Troy asked me to marry him.
Soon after our marriage, I was showing my wedding pictures to some women at Sears. We were remodeling the store at the time, and a guy named Mark Ellis was the general contractor. He stopped to look at the pictures, and the very next day he stopped by again to give me a copy of a devotional book, Moments Together for Couples and a brochure about the Weekend to Remember® marriage conference. I remember saying a simple, "Thank you,” and putting the book on a shelf when I got home.
About three months after we were married I made a terrible discovery. I loved Troy and completely trusted him. I thought he would never do anything to hurt me. But I found a card addressed to Troy from a girl, along with some fairly recent pictures and a note saying how much fun she and Troy had had together.
I was devastated. I had put my complete faith in him. He had known about my horrible live-in relationship. I thought, How could he do that to me?
When I confronted Troy, he admitted to having a relationship with the woman but said it happened when we were engaged.
I went to the pastor who married us, and he reminded me that the vows we took said "until death do us part." Even though I was not a believer at the time, I still took those vows seriously. I also talked with my mom about the situation. She said that I needed to stay with Troy and that we needed to work it out.
So instead of running away and divorcing Troy, I continued to stay with him. It would have been so easy to have packed up and left my husband. It was very hard to stay and deal with what had happened.
Troy and I both knew that our relationship was in trouble and that we needed help. About this time I thought of that book and brochure that Mark had given me. I told Troy that we needed to look at this book if we were going to make our marriage work. We also decided to attend the Weekend to Remember getaway. We were willing to try anything, and the marriage conference seemed like a perfect start.
God changed my life
Although I was excited to go the conference, I was also scared. Big groups of people made me nervous. But I am so glad that we went. I learned how to show Troy respect and realized that marriage was not all about me. I also understood that I had to work on my self-image because I had felt so badly about myself. But most important, I learned that I needed a relationship with God.
I just felt the Lord speaking to me when they prayed at the conference, and I prayed for the Lord to come into my heart and life. I started using drugs and drinking at the age of 14 and stopped "cold turkey" when I got saved at the Weekend to Remember at age 26.
Through God's grace I was able to forgive Troy for past hurts. As he and I worked through the conference projects, we came to a new understanding of each other. Troy said that he knew he had hurt me and promised never to be unfaithful again.
There have been so many changes in my life since I accepted Christ at the conference. First, my marriage didn't end in divorce, and I have such a different outlook on life. I've gone from hitting rock bottom to feeling great about myself. I now live my life to please the Lord.
Troy and I were very selfish people in our own little world. Today, we attend church regularly and Troy is on the staff of our church. We have been married 12 years and have three beautiful children. We have now been to the Weekend to Remember two more times and have loved it every time! They refreshed our marriage.
I look back on my life and feel so bad that I wasted all that time during my turbulent years. But I share those experiences with others—especially young people and adults who are heading down that same path.
I was telling someone my story not too long ago and said, “I wish I could talk to that guy that gave me that book, but I don’t even know his name any more.” Then I came across his business card, learned he worked now for FamilyLife, and sent him a letter to express my thanks.
I just pray that something I say to others will help them turn their lives around ... just as Mark Ellis did with me.
… You know how sometimes, many times actually, you get to plant the seed with someone but never see the fruit. I wanted you to know how you made a huge difference in my life! I would probably still be drinking and going on with my life and would not have answered God’s call to me. … What a blessing and wonderful ministry you and your family are a part of!
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