Finding a Church as a Single Parent or Blended Family
Not long ago I was a single mom raising my oldest daughter. I know all too well that inside a single parent home lives at least one broken heart.
I needed direction the most during this time in our life. But I couldn’t find any Christian books, classes, or mentors to help. It was hard. Still, I always felt God proving His nearness to the brokenhearted.
In my blended family, the echoes of past lives still resonate, even within the sanctuary. I know this: inside every single-parent or blended family home resides a unique kind of heartache.
Today, my “His, Mine, and Ours” family presents a picture of outward joy, yet the journey of healing from past losses continues. So I look where a lot of people go for help to heal: the church. Hurting people have gone to the church for help throughout history. The only problem is that healing begins with acceptance and love. And when I don’t see my family reflected in the church, it’s challenging to feel accepted.
The Gap in the Church
I know I’m not the only one who has held out short-lived hope when my pastor announces the family series he’ll be preaching on next month. Too often, well-intentioned sermons on the topic of “family” inadvertently exclude single parents and those navigating complex step-parenting roles. My reality was not reflected in the message.
When I browse the tables of the small group options in my church lobby I’m disheartened time and again. None of the groups resemble the makeup of my family.
I’ve learned that inside the church might be the toughest place to be a single parent or blended family. Family ministries often judge and regularly overlook our category of family.
But that needs to change. Coming from personal experience, our families need help, love, support, and encouragement too. We want to pass on a legacy of faith to our children just as much as any other family.
Reaching every kind of family
A blended family represents the opportunity for a new life. It’s a new marriage. I’ve heard it said inside church that these two families that have married to make one new family are not the families God intended.
Trust me. We don’t need to be told our kind of family isn’t the one God intended. Single parents and blended families are well aware of the heartache. We know that our families have fallen short at some point (except in those painful situations that were caused by a death).
A church that embraces all family structures reflects the heart of Christ. When churches intentionally create spaces for single and blended families, they foster stronger families, deeper faith, and a more vibrant community. To quote scripture, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” 1 (James 1:27).
A church caring for the vulnerable is a pure church. Single-parent and blended families are in on-going states of healing. What a beautiful thing for the body of Christ to help with and join in!
Practical Steps for Single and Blended Families
If you’re a single parent or blended family feeling left on the outside, know that you’re not alone. You may be feeling heartache, disappointment, confusion, and even just a hunger for more. Here are some practical steps for you to consider and take.
Next time you browse the small-group tables but don’t see an exact fit for your family, find the next closest fit. No single mom Bible study? Join the moms Bible study anyway. No blended marriage date night out? Sign up for the marriage night out.
Once you get to know the other participants in your group, you will likely find a handful of families that mirror yours. You’ll probably encounter other single parents or blended families who want to get connected to the church and hope to meet someone relatable too.
Next time someone is looking for a small group that resembles their family, it may be available because you and your new friends have decided to be leaders of the next blended family or single parent small group. These steps of initiative help the church as a whole begin to understand that family is defined different ways to different people. It is our job as a church to minister to them all.
If you’re having a hard time making a place in your church right now for a single parent or blended family, try this.
Practical Steps for Church Leaders
For church leaders seeking to create a more-welcoming environment for single parent and blended families:
1. Recognize that every family is important in God’s eyes. Some nontraditional families are already struggling with the feeling of being accepted into church. Acknowledge their value as individuals and as a a significant contribution to your church body.
2. Reach out to the non traditional families in your church. Ask how you can be praying for their family specifically. This shows that the church notices them and cares for them.
3. Ask for help from the blended and single parent families that you have built relationships with. Anyone God is touching and transforming makes for a great leader. Be open to your church having small groups that meet their individual needs. Invite them to lead it.
A church that embraces all families reflects the heart of Christ. By opening our doors and our hearts, we create a space where every family can find belonging, healing, and the strength to build a legacy of faith. My family has found a church home that is intentional about ministering to every kind of family. And we’re committed to paying that forward by helping other families like ours find their place.
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