Raising Kids with Unshakeable Character – Kathy Koch

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Raising Kids with Unshakeable Character

Guest:Kathy Koch

From the series:How to Parent Differently (Day 2 of 3)

Air date:March 18, 2025

Ann:Okay, I have a question for you.

Dave:No, don’t start with a question.

Ann:Yeah, I’m going to ask you. As we were raising our kids, and we would compliment them, do you think we complimented them more about their performance or their character?

Dave:I want to give the right answer.

Dave:Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Dave Wilson.

Ann:And I’m Ann Wilson. And you can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Ann:Do you think we complimented them more about their performance or their character?

Dave:I think the only one who can answer that question is them. I do think we knew—

Ann:We knew, but—

Dave:—w were taught well; we were coached well—we knew it should be on character. But I know, as an athlete, I often celebrated athletic accomplishments.

Ann:—like, “Oh, you’re so good at that sport.” And not necessarily that that’s bad, but we’re going to talk about why character—

Dave:We need an expert to help us, and she’s sitting right here. Kathy Koch is back in the studio!

Ann:I wish Kathy would’ve parented right beside us; I wish she was in my ear with the Holy Spirit.

Dave:Well, the good thing is our listeners are going to have her do it right now.

Ann:Right.

Kathy:It’s very kind of you.

Dave:And if you missed yesterday—this is Day Two—so go back and listen; you’ll hear your story.

Her book we’re talking about today is Parent Differently. The subtitle is: Raise Kids with Biblical Character That Changes Culture.

I told you yesterday I was going to ask you: “What do you mean parent differently? Obviously, in that word, already you’re making a statement.

Kathy:I am. I am concerned about the lack of intentionality with our parents. I’m concerned about parents who let their busyness overwhelm them, and they ride the wave; and what happens, happens without much thought. I get it because of the busyness, and the phone, and the overwhelmed nature of culture, and expectations parents have on themselves and that others place upon them. And we have so many parents today, with the sandwich generation, where they’re worried about their aging parents, and their own children, and themselves.

Ann:And so many blended families, too, who are juggling both families.

Kathy:True; true. I want our parents to be intentional to set their eyes on something and shoot the arrow there, if you will; and I want it to be character. Character is life-giving; character is life-changing. I just went to the wedding of a friend of mine. I knew the groom just a little bit, but I’ve known Stephanie a long time. When I watched them say their vows—and I watched them say, “Yes”; and I heard the testimony throughout the reception—it was all about character.

What was standing up there was their character. It’s what allows you to have position of influence; it’s what allows you to have relationships that matter. Without character, you’ll give up on rude people; you won’t stay the course. You won’t be a kind other-centered person yourself, so why would anybody want to be your friend? Character changes relationships; it changes education; it can change a career.

It, frankly—here’s the thing, Dave—I wrote this book partly because I want children to know they can make a difference now. The subtitle is really important to me: Raise Kids with Biblical Character That Changes Culture. Character changes culture, not kids. It’s the character in the kid that gives them a position of authority to change culture, and they can do it.

Now, I had a family pre-read the book and told me a story of an eight-year-old daughter who had a piano lesson. The piano teacher—and I don’t know about you guys; I took piano and other instruments throughout my educational career—the piano teacher said the typical thing: “Did you practice well this week?” The little girl said, “Yes ma’am”; and then, she began to play the song that she was supposedly practicing well. She’s on the third row of notes; and she’s figuring out: “The teacher’s going to know that I just lied. I said I practiced well, but I’m sounding terrible.” This little girl lifted her hands from the keyboard, made eye contact with the piano teacher, who was right here, and said, “I am so sorry. I lied; I did not practice well. I am so sorry for disappointing you that I didn’t practice and that I lied.”

That girl came home and told her parents the story that she lied; and she apologized; and she became honest in that moment. She changed culture that day. That piano teacher—I know she was uplifted when that little girl trusted her with the truth of her heart—that was a moment. And that little girl, when the mom and dad said, “Sweetheart, you changed Ms. Liz that day. You honored Ms. Liz when you admitted that you had lied; and you humbled yourself and you told the truth; you changed her day!” Can you imagine this little seven-/eight-year-old girl? She’s like, “I changed somebody’s day!” They need to know that they can do that.

Ann:Kathy, I’m thinking about—we had a son change schools in the eighth grade—he was behind in this school compared to where he was in the school that he had previously been in. This teacher/this math teacher was hard on him. One day, he came home; he said, “Hey, I got a detention for the whole week.” He’s pretty quiet, so I was really surprised, like, “What happened?!”

He goes, “Well, I was sitting in the back row with all these other eighth-grade boys; and the teacher left the room. We were banging our chairs against the back of the wall. Teacher from the other room came in, and said, ‘Hey, stop doing this!’ Then, our teacher came back in and she was mad. She goes, ‘Who was hitting their chair against the wall?’” There’s a row of like six guys—and our son raises his hand—and nobody else raises their hand. He gets a detention. I was hot! But I said to our son, “Thank you for being truthful; that took some guts!”

Dave:“Way to go!”

Kathy:Did the other kids not get a detention, even though it was obvious?

Ann:No! And he didn’t say anything.

Dave:They all lied, and she thought it was just him.

Ann:I go to the parent-teacher conference, and she’s telling me how poorly he’s doing. I’m like, “Well, he hasn’t had this math; this is all new to him.” I get all frustrated and fiery; and I said, “I want to bring up this situation where you gave him a detention.” I told her the whole thing. I said, “Did you think it was only him?”

Kathy:Wow.

Ann:And she said, “I’ve never thought about it.” I said, “The fact that he said he raised his hand, and said, ‘Hey, it was me,’—he just taught—to me, that’s like, “Oh, let’s not even award or say anything about the character of telling the truth; but now, he’s learned: ‘Oh, I’m going to lie the next time.’”

Kathy:Exactly.

Ann:But you’re right! As parents—that character piece—how do we do it? Because I feel like the world is continually telling us it’s all about the performance; it’s about the personality; it’s about the popularity.

Kathy:What if I said the most important performance is character? What if we simply reassigned the word? I’m a former athlete and musician—I get all that—I’m an author. It’s valuable; we have influence and impact. But the most important performance is your character.

Ann:That’s good.

Kathy:It is what’s going to either open doors for you or shut them. It’s going to give you the joy, and the peace, the contentment that Christ died for that we would have. You’re not going to get those things in your performances, and you have to learn that. I don’t want people to learn it the hard way, so read the Bible now—don’t wait—and see if I’m right; that it proves to be true.

I know for me, when I’m a woman of Christ-like biblical character, and when I make mistakes, I own them; I don’t deflect responsibility. When we become who God created us to be, everything changes. That’s one of the reasons I want character to be intentionally taught in our homes. Because I do believe—and I know you agree with me—that when God created us, He had a plan for our lives. When He knit us together, He knew what He was doing. I was six years old when I came home from the elementary school I went to, and I said, “Mommy, I’m too tall.” So many years ago—maybe ten years ago—I’m in front of a group of elementary school-aged children, and I’m telling my story. I want them to believe that they also have a story. They’re not the author; God is. You can’t be whatever you want. You can only be who God created you to be, and it’s a good thing. I was—

Ann:Wait; say that one more time.

Kathy:You cannot be whatever you want to be. You can only be who God created you to be; really important.

Dave:—especially in this culture.

Kathy:Exactly.

I was sharing with these children that I used to think I was too tall. I was honest with my mom, and I’m so glad she heard my heart cry. I became a dancer. I was the center of the back row—a position of high honor that only the taller students could have—so it felt good. And I have no trouble getting my suitcases into the overhead bin, so my height is my advantage.

Ann:I do.

Kathy:Yes, I bet you do. And you look for people like me at the grocery store to find stuff on the top shelf, right?

Ann:Yes!

Kathy:And now, because of my bad back, I sit on a stool when I speak; but you can still see me when I speak, because I am tall; and it’s to my advantage. When I was little, I didn’t get it. The longer you live, the more you understand why you are the who you are.

A little boy came up to me afterwards—five or six years old—comes right into my personal space. I talked for 30 minutes about my story, and this is what he said to me. He looks at me right in the eye: “Hey lady.” I’m like, “Yes.” He goes, “You’re not too tall; you’re cool tall.” So I’m cool tall, Chatty Kathy, with a low voice, who struggles to spell. You have to reorient your understanding.

Dave:What’d your mom say when you said that to her?

Kathy:When I said to my mom—”I don’t want to be tall anymore,”—well, first of all, praise God she didn’t say, “Get over it. You’re going to be tall; look at your dad and me”; because I’m not going to understand DNA. “Get over it,” is a very hurtful thing to tell a child. Most important thing you’ll do, when you hear their heart cry, is listen longer. You don’t have to have all the answers—you sure don’t have to have them right away—but you’ve got to have a heart of compassion—

Dave:That’s good.

Kathy:—to choose to walk towards your child in the moment. She admitted/she goes, “Yeah, clumsiness comes in the family.”

That very night she talked to my dad, her husband. This is what I understand that they said to each other: “We have a daughter with a perceived problem that will never change; she will be tall,”—perceived problem. “A perceived problem, that can be changed, is ‘kind of clumsy’; what can we do?” They problem solved. Dave and Ann, they problem solved without making me feel like the problem to be solved. By the end of the week, I was enrolled in tap dance class.

Dave:Really?

Kathy:And that’s where I became coordinated in the center of the back row, and the dancers wanted me to be there. I went from being too tall, and uncomfortable with my height, to a dancer. And then, there’s many other things that happened as a result of that.

But the thing is that my mom was available to me to hear my heart cry. I’m going to say to you what I know is true: if I wouldn’t have had, at the age of six, a mom or a dad to talk to about what was burdening me, I don’t think I’d be here today on the radio. Why would I want to stand in front of thousands of people every month if I had body-image issues? The highest compliment a kid will ever pay you is to share their heart with you.

Ann:Kathy, I did that; I think I was nine. I loved sports, and I wanted to be a football player. I wanted to be a linebacker. I remember playing with all the neighborhood boys, with all of them—and I’ve shared this one other time—but I came in the house, and I was crying. I told my mom: “I don’t want to be a girl. I’m so mad that I’m a girl,” and “I do not want to be a girl.” My mom listened to me and listened to me. I was serious. I had an older sister; she’s incredibly feminine. I was more athletic; I felt like I wasn’t like the other girls; I wasn’t as emotional. I was mad, and I was angry. My mom just looked at me, and she listened. She goes, “Oh, I know you’re a good football player,”—which was so sweet of her to say.

Dave:She was too.

Kathy:Oh, it’s so cute.

Ann:She said, “But I also think, ‘Who knows what God has for you?’” My mom would go to church. I wouldn’t say she’s a Bible-believing believer, but she believed in God. But she said, “Ann, I think you’ll probably be a mom someday.”

Kathy:Oh, she gave you hope.

Ann:She gave me hope. And she goes, “And someday, I think you’re going to like it.”

Kathy:Oh, so cool.

Ann:I go, “No I don’t; I’m not going to like it”; I acted like I didn’t like what she said. But inside, that night when I went to bed, I did have hope. I had hope.

I’m thinking there’s probably a lot of kids, who are saying to their parents those words: “I don’t want to be a boy,” or “…a girl. I’m not supposed to be.” What should they say?

Kathy:One of the first things I think parents and grandparents should say is: “I’m so sorry you’re confused. Confusion isn’t fun.” Making decisions when we’re angry is never a good thing; so I would start with: “Man, I’m so sorry. That’s got to be really hard.”

Ann:You’re empathizing.

Kathy:You’re empathizing. I might say, “Tell me more.” Or I would just—we teach at the ministry: “Listen longer,”—so keep talking; because the more information you have, the greater the likelihood the first thing you say will be relevant. You don’t know why they want to be the opposite gender.

Ann:Right; I just wanted to be a football player. It wasn’t that I was confused about my gender; I didn’t see much good about being a girl at that time. And it switched after puberty.

Kathy:Bingo; it so often does. So today, there’s Upward Football in churches that girls can play. You would look for a solution that might fit.

I would ask, “Tell me more. Why are you feeling this way?” “Well, at school today, this kid…” It’s, so often, the teasing and the bullying; and I could tell you a thousand stories.

But when a kid comes: “I don’t like my gender. I’m not sure I was born in the right body”; listen longer; say that you’re sorry they’re confused. Testimonies from people, who have walked that journey, and come out well on the other side. There’s a really good place for that. Our listeners need to understand that most kids will change their mind, if there’s no medical intervention, by the age of 18, which is so encouraging. We’ve got to stay out of the way.

Complex issue—but whatever it is: “I don’t want to be tall,” “I don’t want to be short,” “I don’t want blonde hair,” “I don’t want to be your daughter,”—what a horrible thing to hear out of the mouth of a child. But then, we listen longer; and we are solution focused, not problem oriented.

Ann:What do you mean?

Kathy:So we ask, “How can I help you?” We say to that daughter—“I want to be a boy,”—”What do you need from me? What would help you now? Do you need quiet?” “Do you need time just with me? Do you want to go out for pie every Tuesday and have mommy-daughter time?” Maybe the mom is recognizing, “Woah! I haven’t been involved much in her life.” “Should we read biographies and autobiographies of athletic women, who are also super feminine and really fun?” I don’t know; I’m talking off the cuff here.

Ann:No, I like that.

Kathy:We become available to our kids; I think that’s critically important. If the kids are not homeschooled—if they’re going off to school—I would make a quick phone call to administration or a lead teacher who maybe knows my daughter well. I would say, “Can you tell me what’s going on at school? Because for the first time ever, my daughter is confused about some things.” I might not tell him what; I might just say “some things.”

Maybe there were incidents of bullying; maybe a new kid moved into the class; maybe there was a story read in a health class. You just never know; but you got to find out, because there’s almost always a trigger that causes that. For me, and my height, it was falling down. Again, not wanting to be clumsy in front of my peer group, and standing out in a crowd—I could not hide, even among six-year-olds—so frustrating. There’s almost always something that triggers the concern or the feeling of defeat.

Ann:So don’t react, as a parent.

Kathy:Be proactive. What I would actually love is that every parent listening get ready to have answers to the tough questions; because they might come to your home—whether it’s about gay, lesbian, gender transitioning, or porn, or sex out of marriage: “I might be pregnant,”—there’s all kinds of things that are happening in our culture. I think parents, and grandparents, and educators today should be ready to have the conversation—so if you’re alone with the kid, you’re going to say something that your husband would approve of, and vice versa—so that you do have a conversation right off the spot. And then, you can say to your kids, “Man, we got to research this. This came out of nowhere. Let’s come back in about an hour and a half and talk again.”

Ann:That’s so helpful. I think parents are like, “I need to get every one of her books!”

Kathy:That would be nice; I’ve written seven.

Dave:Well, they need to do it.

What would you say is the wrong thing to do?—or the worst thing to do in that kind of question.

Kathy:If they come to you with gender confusion, as an example—or “I’m too tall,” or whatever—I would not say, “Well, that’s just silly; you’re a girl.” I would not dismiss it.

If a daughter comes, and says, “Man, I’d rather be a boy. I’m so athletic, and I just feel like I should be a boy”; you’re not, “Well, that’s just silly; you’re a girl. Go play.” Don’t dismiss it, because it’s real. If they trusted you with their heart—whoa!—you hug them; and you, again, listen longer; you don’t dismiss them.

Dave:“Tell me more.”

Kathy:“Tell me more.”

Ann:And I will say my brothers did say, “Well, you’re better than most of those boys out there.” I’m like, “Oh, thank you!”

Kathy:Wow. Yeah, affirmation that you needed to hear.

One of the problems that we have in our culture is there’s so much gender confusion that’s not in Scripture. And when we teach in Celebrate Kids, you always go to the Word of God. As an example: boys can cook. Men can be excellent cooks, not just on the grill—although men often do the grilling, as I understand it, in a lot of families—but men can be excellent cooks and can enjoy it. That doesn’t make them women; it doesn’t mean they should have been girls. Men can cook, and women don’t have to like it.

Ann:Some of the best chefs in the world are men.

Kathy:Exactly! Go to the TV shows, and who are the chefs on the competition shows?—many of them are men. We can do a better job of, again, showing the diversity. What we need to understand about gender is Genesis 1:27: “You’re created male and female.”

I did a chapel not too long ago—375 eighth to twelfth graders; some unsaved, and some saved—and was telling my story. I was talking about my low voice; I’m called “sir” a lot. We were talking about that, and it’s awkward. I’m totally a female, but I have a low voice. It’s a perfect radio voice I’ve been told by the best of the best. I’ve been in movies with Kirk Cameron; and he and his son were like, “You have a perfect voice.” It’s just so much fun to know that. And it’s perfect, because God gave it to me; and He doesn’t make mistakes.

But in this context of this chapel, toward the end of the chapel, I share Genesis 1:27 that you were created in God’s image: “In the image of God you have been created.” It’s twice in the verse in case you don’t understand it the first time; and then, it says, “Male and female you have been created.” I said to the children: “If you’re a male, be a male,” and “If you’re a female, be a female”; and they clapped spontaneously, long and loud. They’re desperate for someone to tell them the truth.

The headmaster and the spiritual life director at this school came up to me at the end, and they said, “You just taught us something important. We’ve got to get in their faces more with the truth.” Because they realized that they had been soft-pedaling on some issues. And then I said, as the public speaker, “I’m flying home. If you say it, you’re going to get 60 emails in your inbox.” And the head of school said, “I have to deal with that.”

I do think that the wrong thing is to dismiss it as irrelevant; or “It’s just a phase; you’ll wake up tomorrow and think differently.” The right thing is to open the Word of God and to teach the truth, no matter what the issue might be. And then, you find them illustrations and examples, and teachable moments; and you affirm their gender in ways that would be acceptable to them.

There’s so much more, but I’m glad we’re talking about it. It is a real issue, and character is relevant here. If you raise kids to have biblical character—and they know who they are and that they were created for such a time as this—they’re less likely to believe the lie that they can be whatever they want. Philippians 4:13 is taken out of context all the time. I like to tell kids: “It’s not a t-shirt slogan; it’s a Bible verse.” Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” It doesn’t say: “I can be all things.” It says: “I can do all things.” We need to know the Scripture, and we need to stand on that as our rock.

Dave:Now, how do you define biblical character?

Kathy:It’s the life of Christ, and the will and the ways of God. A lot of people talk about Christlike character; because the Scripture says, “Become like Christ,” which is great. We’re not God, but we can become the character of Him; biblical character is Jesus Christ: “Be like Him: teachable, even Him; humble; persevering; diligent all the way to the cross.” He’s an example of character; just tremendous.

But also, the Old Testament is relevant here. The Proverbs are in the Old Testament; every verse is relevant to character: the wise one versus the foolish one. Daniel, and Esther, and Moses, and so many of our Bible heroes can teach us a lot—the fruit of the Spirit, and the Beatitudes, and the “one anothers” of the New Testament, and the Bible heroes that we have—so it’s more than Jesus. It’s the whole of God inspiring us to become like Jesus.

Dave:It’s interesting: on our next program—we’re going to do another one—I hope you got another one in you.

Kathy:Great! Let’s do it.

Dave:We really want to ask you some questions and get your wisdom on parenting. A lot of the questions we’ve been asked.

Kathy:Good.

Dave:But I’ll ask you this; because when I read your subtitle, when we wrote our parenting book, we said, “You need a target: ‘What are you trying to raise?’” So we said, “Here ours. We’re not saying this should be yours; we’re just giving you an example. Sit down and craft something. It doesn’t have to be cute; just ‘What are you aiming at?’”

I’m going to give you ours; I want to hear what you think,—

Kathy:Okay.

Dave:—because it overlaps in some way. Ours was “TRAIN”; and “Raise L3 Warriors Who Make a Dent Where They’re Sent.” Now again, when you hear that, you’re like, “Okay, there’s some language in there; it doesn’t make sense.” Well, it’s Wilson language.

Kathy:Love it.

Dave:TRAIN: Ephesians 6:4.

Kathy:Absolutely.

Dave:Raise Warriors: we’re in a battle—we’re not just raising boys and girls—we’re raising men and women who are going to be—they understand there’s a spiritual battle going on—L3 warriors.

L3: when we started our church, we’re thinking: “What are we about?” “Who are we?” We were trying to decide: “We’re trying to make disciples, but what’s the disciples?” We came up with this phrase—we call L3—it’s three “L” words: “Here’s what a disciple is.” We thought from New Testament, Jesus said, “If you love the Lord with all your heart, and love your neighbor as yourself,”—that’s the number-one commandment.

We said: “We’re trying to raise people who Love God and love others.” That’s the first L.

Second L was: “Lock arms in community, so you have live in community.”

And the third L was something we came up with called “Live openhandedly”; in other words, your gifts, talents, and abilities are not for you; give them away,—

Kathy:Amen.

Dave: —so you bless others.

L3 became something that, at our church, was like, “Oh, that’s our goal: we’re trying to Love, Lock, and Live.”

We said, “That’s our parenting goal. If our sons, when they’re men, love God and others, are living in community, and they’re using their gifts and talents”—to the last phrase was—“Make a dent where they’re sent,” sounds a little bit like: “Change the culture.”

Kathy:Yes.

Dave:Make a dent where you’re sent is like, “I’m not here for me. I’m here to make a difference for the kingdom of God. So wherever I am is where I’m sent. God sent me here; let’s go!” That was our target.

Ann:And our kids didn’t really know that specifically.

Dave:No, it wasn’t important, specifically, that they knew it. It was important we knew it.

Ann:—so we’re aiming.

Kathy:Because it oriented your parenting:—

Dave:Yeah, everything from—

Kathy: —your priorities, your decision-making.

Ann:—our prayers.

Kathy:Yeah.

Dave:So when you hear that—again, I’m not saying, “Hey, give us a hand clap,”—I’m saying, “Does that line up with what a parent should be trying to do?”

Kathy:I love it. I love warriors; you’re exactly right. We’ve got to be raising up warriors who know—

Dave:Men or women, by the way; it didn’t matter if we had boys or girls; they’re warriors.

Kathy:No, totally. No, no, no; the full armor of God is in the Bible on purpose. We’ve got to pray and worship as warriors; I think that’s powerful.

I love the community concept, because we’re not to live isolated lives. I love the open-handed; we are gifted to serve; we’re not gifted to be prideful in it. And obviously, love first—Great Commission; Great Commandment—all that’s there. I love that you were intentional about that. Yeah, we pray it; we pray for it. We asked God to show us: “What’s different about us?”

Family values: I write in all my books, including the Parent Differently book, “Why are you a family?” God ordained family before He ordained the church—really important to Him—you’re a perfectly imperfect for perfectly imperfect children.

Ann:That’s good.

Kathy:Because God created you to be one, as family: “So what would God show you about the children that He’s asked you to raise?” That’s the heart cry of good parents: “Show me why I’m doing this. What are the goals here?”

For me, it’d be: “Influence and impact.” For me, part of the power that we have at Celebrate Kids:

“Become who you were created to be.”

“Don’t get in God’s way. Without character, you cannot be who God didn’t create you to be.”

Again, Chatty Kathy—born that way—Chatty Kathy was a nickname at age two and a half.

Dave:Wow.

Kathy:If I had not been raised to have character, my parents wouldn’t have called it biblical. They were not saved at the time—but I was raised to listen; and I was raised to tell the truth; and I was raised to apologize; and I was raised to not bully with my tongue; I was raised to not exaggerate; to not impress; to be a part of a team—and that’s why I’m able to be here today.

I give my parents—they’re with Jesus—when my parents were alive, they were often asked, “What did you do right?” One of the things my parents did right was they sat in the living room when we practiced and not just in the front row at the concerts. They asked us about our daily work, not just about our test scores. They were intentionally invested each and every day, and they still had their own lives. Dave [my brother] and I are super grateful for that.

Dave:That’s awesome.

Ann:Give us a homework tip.

Kathy:So not a tip about doing homework, but a homework tip for the audience. If we’ve said some things that are relevant, and giving you hope, don’t be overwhelmed. The first tip would be: “Don’t try to do all of this in

20 minutes. It won’t work, and you’ll blame us. Slow down, and ask yourself: ‘What’s the one thing I could do differently?’ and ‘Is that something I’m motivated to do differently?’; and then, do it.”

It might start with an apology. It might start where you have your kids listen to the broadcast; you sit down, and you go, “Whoa, we learned a lot. What stood out to you?” Listen to the kids, because they’ll be honest with you if you’re going to give them a chance. Maybe, for you, it’s hearing the heart cry; maybe, it’s whatever.

But then, if you owe them an apology—now, you haven’t sinned—if you knew it, and didn’t do it, that’s different. But if you didn’t know it, praise God you found the show; that’s why we’re here. If you found something new to do, go do that; and celebrate God’s goodness to you; and say, “Man, I’m so sorry that I didn’t know this; but now I know this new technique.” Because kids are telling me all the time: “My parents went to another parenting seminar. I know they did: ‘Who taught you that?’” So just admit to them: “I heard this on the radio. We’re going to try a new way”; and then, try it and don’t give up. It might take several attempts before we would get good at it. So don’t give up if it’s something brand-new.

Ann:That’s so good because, as a listener, if I was listening, I’d probably walk in the kitchen, like, “Guys, we’re doing these ten things!” I like the one thing: “What’s one thing?”

Dave:Well, I’ll give you one thing to do. Get the book: Parent Differently. The easy way to do it is just send a donation. We live on donations—this is how this ministry functions—listener-supported ministry. And so we’d love you to send a donation to FamilyLifeToday.com. We’ll send you this book for the donation. Or you can call us at 800-358-6329.

Ann:If you need parenting help you can get more at FamilyLife.com/ParentingHelp.

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